


Variations on Relations

by laughingpineapple



Category: Twin Peaks
Genre: Dialogue-Only, M/M, Missing Moment - ep27, Role Reversal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-13
Updated: 2017-02-13
Packaged: 2018-09-23 13:33:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9659543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laughingpineapple/pseuds/laughingpineapple
Summary: Once in a blue moon, shortly before Jupiter and Saturn meet, it is Albert's turn to look beyond the board, and Dale's to ask for more proof than spirits can be ever made to offer.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [3pipeproblem](https://archiveofourown.org/users/3pipeproblem/gifts).



“Albert, it is hard for me to reconcile your characteristically pungent words with anything but jest. And I say this reminding you that some of these words you already said to me three weeks ago, in jest.”

“Curious, it is hard for  _ me _ to reconcile your acumen with how distressingly and dauntingly daft you can be in all matters pertaining to yourself, yet here we are. Life is full of wonders.”

“But you were joking.”

“Three weeks ago, yes, I was. First a dwarf, then a giant, you will forgive a man for picturing a frolicking pack of centaurs and fauns rounding up the bucolic fairytale idyll. But that was before you faxed those petroglyphs to the office.”

“Did you see how our alchemical symbols intersect with older glyphs from the native tribes? If those walls could talk…!”

“I saw a giant and a dwarf holding hands like sweet springtime lovers, Coop. It's right there on the top left, you can't miss him because he's this fucking big.”

“And that is the entire reason behind this phone call as well as your warning.”

“That, and the old adage that anything we don't understand is out to get us. As are most things we do understand, of course, but there's something to be said for being able to see the incoming blow and duck. You paint those two as the opposing extremes of your contact with the supernatural there in Twin Peaks; if they are in cahoots, something smells and it's not the manure stuck to the nearest hillbilly's boots.”

“The giant's help was paramount to solving the Palmer case.”

“Oh was it? I thought Laura Palmer was paramount to solving the Palmer case. This looks like a classic con game and quacks backwards like a classic con game, and the fact that you won't even entertain the possibility that it may just be what it says on the tin is worrying evidence of how far they've reeled you into their good cop bad cop routine. Wake up.”

“I will be careful, Albert. You have my word.”

“But?”

“But what?”

“Quitter's talk, Coop, I heard you. You don't get to use a '..., but’ voice at me and then take it back.”

“...But you sound like you are jealous of the giant, Albert.”

“Why, were you ever planning on getting down on one knee and giving me a ring?”

“Maybe?”

“Cute. I tried jealousy with you and you know it, just like we both know I'd have had better luck swinging a spear at windmills. I'm through with playing losing games. I was - and am - simply worried for you.”

“Then my initial impression is less telling of your feelings than it is of the lingering guilt in my conscience for treating you harshly and I promise that we'll make up for lost time in Philly. I like it when you worry about me.”

“I could tell from your penchant for getting ventilated. ...That was a joke. Please do not partake in any more shootings just to create a prime opportunity for me to display my affection. A simple phone call will do.”

“I will be careful.”

**Author's Note:**

> A few months ago, an online discussion on the despised unofficial episode titles concluded that a lot of late season 2 ones aren't even bad titles - they're just completely disconnected from the events of their respective episodes. Of course all I took from the entire discussion was "well that sure sounds like a fanfiction challenge".  
> I wasn't even thinking about it anymore when plotting this ficlet based on a) your role reversal prompt and b) owl cave, but, needless to say, finding out that the owl cave episode title is none other than "variations on relations" gave me a good chuckle... and I couldn't title it in any other way.


End file.
